Losing a Friendship: A Simple Guide To Healing

Have you experienced losing a friendship you thought would last a lifetime? I have, it’s never easy. I would like to share, in hopes of encouraging your heart to see the loss in a new way.  



In an already topsy-turvy time of toilet paper and chaos, I found myself pacing barefoot in our backyard on a warm sunny day in May 2020. I was having a difficult phone conversation that I never saw coming with someone I had grown to love dearly. Although hours apart, we shared our friendship, family, and calling.  I mean, everything, messiness and all. It was a rare find, a sisterhood.

Once we finished talking that day, I knew things were changing, and we did graciously go our separate ways. Just like that, the quick ending sent my heart reeling and grieving the loss of someone that had become such a significant part of my life.

For you, it might be losing a treasured friendship or a work-related loyal partnership. Maybe, moving away from a ministry confidant, or there is a rift with a family member. Either way, none of it is easy. 

You are not alone. 

Even the Apostle Paul experienced something similar with his friend and fellow missionary, Barnabus.

First, Paul, formerly Saul, was transformed by encountering Jesus on the road to do what he was doing best; terrorizing and persecuting God’s people. Seriously, he was the meanest of the mean.

Next, after the incredible encounter in Acts 9:1-22, Paul’s heart softened. His passion became reaching others and sharing the love of Jesus with God’s chosen people, the Jews. Also, any person without a Jewish heritage, the Gentiles. In other words, everyone.

Paul, formerly Saul, punisher of the Jews, was paired with Barnabus as seen in Acts 13:2 by God’s plan, and a beautiful partnership was forming.

Those who experienced Saul, now Paul, were doubtful of His change as they were afraid to trust the one who once hurled threats of murder and rage. However, Barnabus was the perfect pick as an encourager and bridge builder between the people and Paul. Hence, they were a dynamic duo for God’s glory.

After the glorious times, few would expect a sharp disagreement over bringing another fellow minister along on their next journey would cause the two to part ways, but it did, according to Acts 15:36–41.


Wow, that’s quick. One day working side by side, the following “poof,” one is going one way, the other in the opposite direction. 

How do you see yourself reacting? 

I can see abrupt endings leaving a sting, unanswered questions, and unsaid words. Leaving minds to wonder if something was missed that would prepare for the pending loss. In addition, the eroding of a trusted inner circle tempts one to be closed and untrusting. 

Though not without missing another beautiful adventure ahead. 

To avoid losing our “next”, taking time to reflect, grieve, and process the loss is healthy and needed.

For us, if wounds are left unattended, roots of bitterness form. Our vision becomes “wonky”, and what we encounter moving forward filters through the lens of hurt. 

However, bringing our pain and allowing the Holy Spirit’s mending helps us to clearly see the separation in a different light. Sometimes, agreeing to disagree is part of it. Same purpose. Different path.

In the middle of loss, we can hold to what we treasure, and leave the remaining fragments in God’s care. Through His grace and love the broken pieces of rejection, disappointment, and loss become growth and life lessons. 


Moving our anxious hearts and tearful focus away from the source of the pain and onto our Heavenly Father creates a beautiful space to experience His love and healing. How can one do this? 

Becoming whole begins with humility and surrender. Asking God for help and laying down the hurt, expectations, and tightly held offenses enables us to walk into the next.

To help you heal, I put together a tool to help you process and move through your grief in a healthy way.  You will find the absolutely FREE downloadable printable  “The Messy Girl’s Relationship Loss Healing Guide” HERE.  

May God’s presence flood the broken places of your heart, and allow you to see what beautiful days lie ahead beyond the pain. 

I’m praying for you,  

Understanding Sin and God’s Love HERE 

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